去年の１１月に父は初めて入院した。小さい頃赤痢にかかって隔離病棟に入れられて以来の入院だった。夏の健康診断でひっかかり、初期の大腸癌の手術だった。
初めての入院。父中心で動いている我が家では一大事件。入院の支度をせず、病院の話をしたがらず、家ではパジャマもきない父のためにパジャマの準備からと、ともかく大変だった。母が選んで買ってきたパジャマも、父は１度も見ようとせず、結局、一時帰国していた私が見て、これのほうがいい、あっちはたぶん気に入らないだろう、と査定した。私のお気に入りは羊柄のパジャマで、羊年の母が守っている、という意味だと母が嬉しそうに教えてくれた。
父、入院。まず父は病人みたいでいやだと、手術直前まで、Yシャツとブレザーで過ごした。携帯片手にブレーザーを着て、病院の庭を闊歩する父は点滴さえなければ健常者そのものだった。手術当日はさすがに病院着にきがえたが、手術後の父の第一声は「銭形平次はどこですか？」だった。 手術中いったいどんな夢を見ていたのだろう。
私たち家族、（主に母と私）に大変だったのは。父の術後だったと思う。まず安静にしない。お見舞いには「くるな」という。。。ある夜、父の病室に父母、私と家族がやっと３人そろった時、始まったのが、、、父のお説教だった。私は一人娘のくせに大学時代から渡米し、お嫁さんにもならず、アメリカで写真家などという気質（かたぎ）ではない商売をしている親不孝者なのでしょうがないのだが、父の説教の内容は、いかに私は女性として大成していないか、、、ということだった。化粧、装飾品、洋服、靴、身のこなし方、徹底的に否定された気がしてすこし悲しかった。母はただ黙って聞いていた。
とりあえす、時間も遅いし、父のお説教が一段落して、疲労、、、という感じが漂ってきたので、私と母はかえることにした。父は、「こういっているのは恵子（私）のことを思ってのことだ」と、繰り返しながら病室のドアをあけてくれた。ドアを開けながら、父は思わず、大粒の涙を頬にこぼした。初めて見た父の涙だった。
父の涙をはじめてみて言葉を失ってしまった私に母はエレベーターの中で「お父さんは今回の入院で恵子（私）のことをおもっているのね」とぽつりといった。
My father stayed in hospital for about 3 weeks last November. Everything started when he had his routine physical check up. He was diagnosed at a very 1st stage of colon cancer. He had to have a surgery, which means he had to be admitted to a hospital. It was his 1st hospital stay in his adult life, since he had dysentery and stayed at isolation ward at his very early age.
It was a big deal for us, since he is the head of the house ( and he acts like that). He refused to discuss his needs at the hospital. My mother had to run around, guess what he might want at hospital, and get from pajamas to anything else needed. Since my father choose not to talk about it, I had to step in to pick his hospital pajamas that my mother had bought for him. My favorite's had be those one with sheep patterned and my mother proudly announced that she had picked them, because she was born in a year of sheep in Chinese calendar, therefore sheep would protect my father.
When my father was admitted to the hospital, he refused to wear the hospital clothes; instead he wore his shirt and sport jacket. With his cell phone in hand, walking around the hospital garden in his sport jacket, you would think that he was a visitor, not a patient, if he did not have IV. On the day of his surgery, he did finally wear his hospital wear.
What was the most difficult part for my family during his hospital stay was the time after his surgery. He did not take it easy and he kept saying " don’t come visit me". One night, the three of us finally sat down together at his hospital room. He began lecturing me how immature I was as a woman from the way I put make up to how I carried myself in public. I have to be honest that I felt a little bit sad: I understood his worry that I am 31 years old unmarried woman and trying to make it as a photographer in America. However I could not feel nothing but denied of everything about myself. After his prep talk, he seemed to be tired as it was getting late at night. My mother and I had to go home. As he was opening the door for us, he kept saying all things he had said, because he cared for me. As he was opening the door, big tears came out his eyes; That was the 1st time that I saw my father crying.
Stunned to have seen his tear for the 1st time, I stayed silent in the elevator, my mother opened her mouth said "this hospital stay really makes him think of mortality and You".
(写真は父の入院中に病院で撮影しました。／All photos were taken at the hospital during his stay)
父はその後元気に退院して、術後の経過もよく今は元気に走り回っている。次の検診も１年後とお医者さんからも太鼓判の回復らしい。
My father got out of the hospital after 3 weeks. He is recovering very well, already running around and being himself again. :)
